As you get older, so do your parents and grandparents. And at some point, the need for support and transition becomes unavoidable. If you're lucky, the shift happens gradually. But without planning, it can arrive suddenly and feel overwhelming. Here are some suggestions to make the transition smoother for everyone involved.

Parents (or grandparents!) - Proactively plan

Talking to your children or grandchildren about money, health, and living arrangements are not normally addressed. Your goal is to be prepared should you be faced with an emergency. This way you can avoid making key decisions in emergencies, such as in the ER, after a fall, or under emotional strain.

What you can do:

• Make it legal. If you have not already done so, set up a will, power of attorney, and healthcare directive. Most states have a preferred legal format that is often accompanied with a list of questions. Walk through this document with your children, and while it may seem awkward, remember they may need to be the one carrying out your wishes. Without these, your children may face expensive and drawn-out legal battles just to act on your behalf.

• Share your financial picture. Start small. It may be as simple as providing a place to get a list of your accounts and passwords if needed. Your children don't need every detail, but they need enough to understand resources, debts, and insurance coverage.

• Clarify wishes for care. Do you want to age in place? Would you consider assisted living? Who do you trust to make medical decisions if you can't? What funeral arrangements make sense?

Children - Initiate conversations sooner rather than later

This isn't about taking control from your parents, but rather it's about being ready to help when it's needed. Ideally your parents are having these conversations with you periodically, but if not you may find that you need to step into this void.

How you can help:

• Learn their wishes now. Ask where they'd like to live if living alone becomes unsafe, and what kind of care they would like. Or explore a plan to stay in their house, if that's their wish. Who knows, they may already have a robust plan in place, but then you'll know!

• Understand available resources. Know which bank accounts, insurance policies, and retirement funds exist, and where to find documents. Also get a general feel if there are adequate funds in place to navigate the next phase of life.

• Build your own plan. Prepare financially and emotionally for the possibility that you may need to help cover costs or coordinate care.

• Become a resource. Pay attention to changes in laws, then relay this information to your parents. An example is the extra $6,000 senior deduction passed into law in July. By staying alert, you can ensure your parents are taking full advantage of the opportunities made available to them.

Know the tax tools available

Money is often the biggest stress point in transitioning to new living arrangements or higher levels of care. But many families overlook the tax credits, deductions, and programs that can ease the financial burden. Here are some key areas to explore:

• Medical Expense Deductions. If medical and long-term care expenses exceed 7.5% of your income, they may be deductible, including in-home care, assisted living (if medically necessary), and medical equipment.

• Dependent Care Credit. You may qualify for this credit if you pay for the care for a dependent parent while working.

• Claiming a Parent as a Dependent. If you provide more than half of your parent's support, you might be able to claim them as a dependent, which can further reduce your taxable income.

• State-Specific Credits. Some states offer tax breaks for care giving or senior housing. Check your state's tax agency for details.

• Health Savings Accounts. These accounts can be used tax-free for qualifying medical expenses for your parents if they're considered dependents, even if they're not on your insurance.

Get started today

The problem isn't that children and parents don't care about transition planning...it's that they think there's plenty of time to do it. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Here's how you can start taking action today:

• Schedule a first meeting. Don't wait for the right moment. Put it on the calendar.

• Break it into small pieces. Talk about housing one week, finances the next. Avoid trying to solve everything at once.

• Document agreements. Even informal notes can be a lifesaver later.

• Review regularly. Life changes. So should the plan.